Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
