you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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