If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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