Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
