you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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