I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
