I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We got so high we made milksteak
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
