I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Randomize
