Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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