the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
