Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
