Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
