i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
