it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
