My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
