Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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