so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
