I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
