You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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