Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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