i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
