the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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