I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
