Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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