First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i've created a new STD.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
