I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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