I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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