Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
