Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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