thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize