In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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