that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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