Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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