i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
