I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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