and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
