Taylor Swift is so right about you.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
