Life is so much better after having sex.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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