it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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