my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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