this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
