Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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