This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
