I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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