Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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