He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
