I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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