I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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