Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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