I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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