people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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