the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
