does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
