So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
