it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
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