It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
