Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
