'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
