i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
