I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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