i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
