all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
