and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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